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I am not a mental health expert, just a woman trying to live a simple life and sharing what I learn along the way.
What is negative self talk?
Negative self talk affirms our fears, not our strengths.
Self talk is what you tell yourself over and over. It is the voice in your head that is either encouraging you or criticizing you. The great thing is you have complete control over what this voice says! Are you going to allow negative self talk with it’s negativity and lies or are you going to only allow positive talk and truth?
Self talk has a huge impact on how your day goes. Subconsciously it is always there and can be influenced by your surroundings. It is important to have positive self talk to make it through everything the world throws at you during the day.
In my post How Do You Talk to Yourself? I talk about the effects of positive self talk. I believe it is also important to know the power of negative self talk so you can recognize it and put a stop to it.
Negative self talk is lies, speak truth!
What does negative self talk sound like?
Negative self talk is just as powerful, if not more so, than positive self talk. Negative self talk is often times easier. Unfortunately the bad stuff can be easier to believe.
Negative self talk affirms our fears, not out strengths. It tells us we are doing a bad job or we are not strong enough or good enough. These thoughts need to be stopped in order to be our best selves.
Negative self talk makes us feel defeated and robs us of our happiness. While happiness is different for everyone, it is important to find what makes you happy. I explore this in my post What is Happiness?
You need to identify what your happiness looks like and focus on finding it everyday. Find the little things that lead you to your happiness and avoiding negative self talk gets easier.
Things to stop negative self talk
The first thing you need to do is identify where the negativity is coming from. A lot of times it comes from being around negative people. Negativity, like positivity, is contagious. Learn to recognize positive people and surround yourself with them. If someone is always grumpy or angry, they are negative.
We all have bad days, and that is okay, so if someone who is usually positive is upset, be the person to help them realize things will get better by being positive and encouraging.
Negativity, like positivity, is contagious.
Surround yourself with people who know how wonderful you are! These are your people! People who want to see you be your best self, who will support and encourage you.
Join an online group to find people who encourage and support one another. Find a group that will help you stop the negative self talk, my group Self Care Through Mindfulness does this. Surround yourself with people on the same journey, it makes the trip easier. Be sure to engage with the group to get the most benefit.
Remove yourself from negative situations whenever possible. This may mean walking away from a conversation or maybe even a person or relationship. This can be difficult, but remember, you are responsible for your own happiness and need to do whatever is necessary to find it.
If it is completely impossible to leave a negative relationship, co-worker or family member, try to spend as little time as possible with the person and remind yourself that just because they are unhappy doesn’t mean you have to be. Flood your mind with affirmations after an encounter with a negative person, remind yourself of how awesome you are.
Avoid people who make you feel bad about yourself. These people are usually unhappy and want everyone around them to be unhappy. People like this make others feel bad to feel better about themselves, they encourage negative self talk. Do not allow yourself to be abused like this!
Yes, this is abuse. Do not allow someone to put you down or make you feel inadequate. Once they destroy your self esteem they win. Don’t let them win, remove yourself from the relationship. I will be writing about Self Care Amid Adversity soon where I will talk about dealing with situations where others don’t understand your need to remove yourself from a situation.
Do not allow someone to put you down or make you feel inadequate.
Seek help! If you just can’t seem to stop the negative self talk, talk to a professional. Negativity can lead to depression which is a serious mental health concern but help is available. There is no shame in seeking counseling. These days you don’t even have to go to a counselor, you can talk to one online. Here is a great resource for online counseling.
Evaluate how you talk to yourself. Take the time to make a list of all the negative thoughts you have. Once you have the list, counter every one of them with a positive thought. Keep the list handy and when you catch yourself thinking negatively push that thought away with the positive one. Improving your self care takes work but it will become a habit and you will reap the benefits by becoming your best self and someone others want to be around.
Evaluate your relationships. Is there someone you need to spend less time with or not see anymore? Walking away from a relationship with a friend or loved one that is not healthy is hard. Your happiness is worth it though!
Negative self talk is lies, speak truth!
Tell yourself everyday how strong, beautiful, and wonderful you are! Be your biggest fan and seek your happiness, you deserve it!
Don’t allow negative self talk or others to steal your joy. We are only on this earth for a short time, make the most of it and be the best, happiest version of you that you can be.
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